Kerrang! - Тьма внутри Эми Ли :: Конец страданиям, 30/09/06 |
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| -Rioterra- |
 27 September 2006, 15:32
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«When Amy lee throws her hands back and smiles and says, »Oh, you can ask me anything«, it's difficult not to be impressed. It's difficult not to be impressed because she seems so believable. Sat in a skirt costing £300 from Selfridges (»I bought it this morning becuase I didn't have anything to wear for the photo shoot«, she says, disarmingly. »I had an hour to find something for the cover of Kerrang! Magazine".) and drinking expensive bottled water, it's a bit tricky reconcilling the woman sat before you with the goth rock icon whose debut work, 'Fallen', sold 14 million copies throughout the world.
This might be because she's just admitted to having «eaten an egg salad sandwich from Tesco». Or it might be because she sits in the hotel room alone, with no assistants, no 'people' fussing around her. Think about it: in terms of radio friendly unit shifters, Amy Lee is in the same bracket as Christina Aguilera or Mariah Carey. Can you imagine Ms Carey telling you she's just been shopping for pre-pakaced sandwiches at Tesco? «I'm Famous, but then I'm not» says Amy Lee, who spent her teens living in small-town Little Rock, Arkansas (Having relocated rom Illinois aged 13) but is now based in New York. «If I have my hair up I can walk down any main street in any US city and not be recognised. The key is, not to wear my hair down. If I wear my hair down I'll get noticed. But being famous is not something I think about. i feel famous talking to you now, but I certainly don't feel famous when I do my grocery shopping.» Do you really go grocery shopping, or is that a figure of speech? «No, of course I go grocery shopping!» Do you have a cleaner? «No» Pause... «Well, i have a woman who comes in now and again, but I don't have a live-in maid or anything» This is not bad going, considering she's minted and (at least when vamped up) famous. She's also particularly good company — interesting, playful and apparently honest. She has a good memory too, remembering me as the journalist who once wrote that she 'didn't look like a particularly good shag'back in 2003. But today Amy Lee is so cool she could make an ice sculpture scream. It's also good news that Amy Lee says we can ask her «anything». since there's an awful lot to discuss. Still only 24, she has dealt with the sudden walkouts of three band members (David Hodges, Ben Moody and Will Boyd), a public split from boyfriend Shaun Morgan, and a messy lawsuit involving her former manager Dennis Rider (who denies allegations of sexual assault and battery). All of this in the last 3 years. And of course, there's the new album 'The Open Door', the follow up of that phonomenal debut... THIS IS THE SECOND TIME I'VE INTERVIEWED YOU, AND THIS TIME YOU SEEM LIKE A VERY DIFFERENT PERSON «Really? How come?» LAST TIME YOU WERE ALOOF, A BIT IMPERSONAL «Well, I was aloof then because I was very unhappy. That was one of he hardest emotional times in my life. I have really grown up since then. And If i was aloof, it wasn't because I was a bitch, so to speak, it was more that there was so much going on internally that I couldn't speak about. It's difficult to be open and real when there's so much going on in the background that you can't speak about. Since then a lot has changed, and I feel I have really broken through the last year or two. There's been a couple of breakthroughs about different things». WHAT WOULD THOSE BREAKTHROUGHS BE? «Some are too personal to talk about. But back then I was very hurt and wounded and insecure and guarded. One thing was a long abusive relationship that I'd been a part of and that was still affecting me. But the effect of that was that it makes you feel like you're not good enough, and it's never okay to feel good. And this was at the time of the album Fallen was going awesome and we were huge.» «But at the same time, I'm having to stand there and fake it, which is hard to do. I', standing there rocking the horns when all the time I have no confidence and the thing I feel like doing is running away. I was hurt a lot, and that has affected me and it will always effect me. But he just hates me. He just loathes me. And I don't want to give him any more reason to hate me.» YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT BEN MOODY, YOUR FORMER BANDMATE. WHY DO YOU THINK HE HATES YOU? «Well, he's always been a little bit confused and lost, and I think he has demons of his own. When he left the band, nothing could make him happy (Moody admitted in Kerrang! last year to a serious cocaine addiction, though he's now clean). Anything that would make us happy — or especially make me happy — would lead him to become furious. And if you're unhappy, all you really want is for the people around you to be unhappy. I have some great memories around the time when we first broke, but most of my good memories come from after he left the band. . And the older he got the less i understood him» WHEN BEN LEFT THE BAND THERE WAS A PERCEPTION THAT THE TALENT BASE HAS GONE, THAT THE BEAUTY REMAINED BUT THE BRAINS HAD LEFT TOWN "I'm sure thats what he would have wanted everyone to think. And I was aware that a certain number of people thought that. But that has just spurred me on. It's encouraged me to try even harder to be a great musician now, and a great writer. While we were making 'The Open Door' and when we were writing the songs, I knew this seed of doubt existed. And it was Ben that planted this seed of doubt. That it was him that had the talent, that did all the work. And of course I was aware of that perception: you can hear it out there, you can see it in the spin, and you can read it on the internet. «But making the new album just pushed me harder and harder. It made me sing this song a key higher, and it made me put an opera bridge in this song, even though it would be harder to play onstage. But all these things that had gone before just pushed me harder. But rather than answer these people back, I'll just let them hear the album. I think the music speaks for itself.» SINCE YOU BROUGHT IT UP, WOULD YOU CARE TO RECOMMEND 'THE OPEN DOOR' TO THE READERS? «Oh, something nice at lest! Well, 'The Open Door' refers to the freedom that I feel as a person having come through all the stuff that we've just been talking about. But it also refers to the freedom the people in the band feel as writers. 'Fallen' was such a success that it gave us all kinds of freedoms to try new things. And the album is the result of those things — to do what we want, and not to have anyone squish it. We had the freedom to make a pure piece of art and that's what we did. That's how I think of our music. I think of it as art» THE FIRST SINGLE, 'CALL ME WHEN YOU'RE SOBER', IS PRESUMABLY ABOUT SEETHER'S SHAUN MORGAN, YOUR FORMER BEAU "That whole thing wasn't a bad relationship, but it was a very bad break-up. It was awful. It was just prolonged, it went on forever. All the while there was a lot of bad business stuff going on that I can't really talk about. And what I chose to do was to hide and cower, rather than to stand up for myself. And finally it became too much for me. I was writing at the time, and I had a look at myself and thought, 'This is it, this is what I do every time. I just wallow in sorrow and music and get all weird'. «So I decided for once to do something for me as a person, to jump off the cliff and get myself out of this situation. So I ended the relationship, pakced some stuff, left Los Angeles and rented a house in Florida. This was this time last year. And 'Call Me When You're Sober' spilled straight out of me. It was very cathartic. After that I moved to New York. I'm not suggesting that leaving your house and moving across the country is the way to get out of a relationship, but it worked for me» WHAT IF SHAUN MORGAN DID CALL YOU AND HE WAS SOBER? «What would I do if he did call me now? That would be weird. Well, I don't think he will call me, for one thing. I'm sure he hates me — actually. I know that for a fact. And another thing I'm sure of is that he's gonna talk about that to anyone who'll listen.» THAT'S TWO MEN WE'VE IDENTIFIED WHO DESPISE YOU. MIGHT THIS MEAN YOU'RE A BITCH? «No, I'm not a bitch. But people likke Ben do run around telling people I'm a bitch. That doesn't help. But no, I'm not a bitch.» CAN YOU BE A BITCH? If I have to be" WHEN MIGHT YOU HAVE TO BE? "Well, I've learnt to be a bitch, that's a better way of saying it .But there's sexism at work here. Like, I'm on top — how did that happen If I'm not a bitch? How could I be a nice person and have ended up succeeding? People don't say that about guys. But I think my best quality and my worst quality are the same thing: too much forgiveness. I really let people walk all over me. But you mentioning me a bitch is interesting, becase for so many years I was so concerned about people thinking me a bitch that I allowed them too much freedom to do what they wanted to me. «I let them hold me down. And I realised that I was letting people use me. But I'm a perfectionist too, especially when it comes to this band. I want everything to be perfect. I want the songs to be perfect. I want the sound to be perfect, the show, everything. Would I describe myself as a control freak? Yeah, I would with regard the band, which is one of the things that really matters to me» IF YOU WOULD HAVE TOLD ME THREE AND A HALF YEARS AGO THAT EVANESCENCE WOULD STILL BE A MASSIVE BAND IN 2006 I WOULD HAVE BEEN SURPRISED «Really? I'm happy to blow your mind» ARE YOU SURPRISED? «Yeah, to a degree. But while I'm really happy with where we are, I have worked really hard to get there. And I've made a lot of sacrifices. But this is where I want to be. I look around myself and think, I made a living from making music. How many people get to do that? That's awesome, and I'm in control now. Before people were in control of me, but now I'm in control. I wasn't in control of my personal life. How insane is that? But I am now. I'm in the place where I need to be» EARLIER ON IN THE INTERVIEW YOU REFER TO AN ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIP. WHAT WAS THAT? «It was physically abusive, verbally abusive, mentally abusive...» NO, I MEAN WHO WAS ABUSING YOU? «Oh, I'm not telling you that» WHAT'S IT LIKE BEING A MILLIONAIRE? "It's a lot of work, actually. It's a lot of trouble. Seriously, it's a big burden. For one thing, you can't just put the money in the bank. You've got to invest it, or else you've got to employ people to take care of your money for you. You can't put your money in one place, so you have to have more than one bank account. You have to put this much here to grow, this much here to live on, this much here... You have to be really careful. «I'm not going to be making millions of dollars from music forever. I'm just pleased that we've made a second album and people are so happy to talk to me still, that people are still interested. If 'fallen' hadn't been a hit then you wouldn't be sat here talking to me now. And it could be that if 'The Open Door' isn't a success — in terms of how many records it sells' — then you won't be talking to me in the future. The album to me is a success already. I want to make that clear. It's a success as a piece of art. But in terms of the music industry, who's to say? It's a fickle business.» YOU CLAIM THAT YOU'RE HAPPY NOW, FINALLY. WILL WE READ AN INTERVIEW IN TWO YEARS TIME WHERE YOU CLAIM THEN TO BE HAPPY AND SAY THAT 2006 WAS A REALLY HORRIBLE PERIOD FOR YOU? «No.» DO YOU PROMISE? «I promise. And here's why I can promise — because I am happy now. I can finally say that after so long trying I have found happiness. I've learned how to be myself. I've learned how to stand for myself. And the music is better than it's ever been. The band is better than it's ever been. This is a great time for me, and it's a great time for us.» |
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